HOW TO SURVIVE the PUSH and PULL Dynamic (Anxious VS Avoidant)

Think of relationships as an emotional beautiful, intricate dance. Sometimes, you're close, moving in harmony, and other times, you accidentally step on each other's toes or push too hard, making your partner want some space. This dance can be emotionally draining, making you wonder how to make it smoother.

Understanding the push and pull dynamic in relationships is like finding the steps to this dance.

It's essential to find secrets and your own rythms to create healthier, more meaningful connections and not to push your partner away.

In this article, we'll explore this emotional dance, the challenges it brings, and ways not just to survive but to thrive in your relationships.

To grasp the push and pull dynamic, we must first comprehend the two main attachment styles at play:

Anxious Attachment: Seeks more closeness and reassurance in relationships, often fearing abandonment or rejection.

Avoidant Attachment: Values independence and may have concerns about becoming too reliant on others.

RELATED POST'S:

HELP! I Have an Anxious Attachment Style - THE GUIDE

The push and pull dynamic in relationships can be likened to a tug-of-war between anxious and avoidant partners.

It's essential to recognize how this dynamic manifests:

Pushing Away: Avoidant partners may withdraw or create distance when they feel overwhelmed by the demands for closeness from their anxious partner.

Because they have learned to be self-reliant, and to not trust others.

Pulling Closer: Anxious partners tend to seek more attention and reassurance when they perceive their avoidant partner as distant, inadvertently intensifying the push-pull cycle.

They fear is of being left one day. So they pull so much, that they are going to self-sabotage their own relationships and marriages, by holding on TOO TIGHLY.

Especially, as the avoidant partner, can not handle this emotional level of clsoeness.

According to The Gottman Institute, the push-pull dynamic is often rooted in one partner's need for closeness and the other's need for space.

They recommend open and honest communication to address these differing needs.

Anxious-avoidant relationships present specific challenges that can impact overall relationship satisfaction:

Communication Breakdown: The differing needs for closeness and space can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Emotional Rollercoaster: The emotional intensity in these relationships can be exhausting, causing emotional ups and downs.

The Gottman Institute emphasizes the importance of recognizing and respecting each partner's attachment style.

Through this process, you not only gain empathy for yourself but also for your partner. You'll come to understand why they think and do things that you might not necessarily agree with. It's a significant step.

They also suggest that couples can benefit from seeking professional guidance to enhance their understanding and communication.

While managing the push and pull dynamic can be challenging, several strategies can help individuals and couples maintain healthier relationships:

These strategies can help you and your partner effectively manage the push and pull dynamic in your relationship, fostering a healthier and more harmonious connection.

The Gottman Institute recommends implementing the "Soft Start-Up" technique, where difficult conversations begin gently and respectfully to avoid triggering the push-pull dynamic.

It's when you start talking about your feelings first, like: "I feel frustrated if you don't do the chores", instead of: "You never do what we discuss!".

Anything, that starts off a conversation on a positive note, also helps. Any warm cues, like holding hands, giving your partner a complement, or asking them how they are feeling.

Achieving balance in anxious-avoidant relationships is crucial for long-term harmony:

Understanding and Acceptance: Recognize and accept each other's attachment styles and work together to meet each other's needs.

If your partner (who probbaly runs away from change, commitment and talking about emotions, feelings and stuff like that..) doesn't want to work actively with you, YOU can do the first step and work on yourself.

Don't wait months, or years for THEM or HIM to change. Life is to prescious. Don't be a "victim" in your own story. Be the creator. The hero, to took action.

Seek Professional Help: If the push-pull dynamic becomes overwhelming, consider couples therapy (especially if you have been through trauma or abuyse) or coaching, if you are anvoidant or anxious atatched.)

DM me, to see if I still have open coaching slot's available.

The Gottman Institute stresses the significance of emotional attunement in relationships, where partners work to understand each other's emotions and respond empathetically.

Emotional attunement in relationships is like being in sync with your partner's emotions. It means that you and your partner pay close attention to each other's feelings and respond with care and understanding.

Imagine your partner comes home from work looking upset. You notice their facial expressions, body language, and the tone of their voice. Instead of ignoring it or brushing it off, you ask, "Hey, is everything okay?

You seem a bit down." This simple act of paying attention and asking about their feelings shows that you're emotionally attuned to your partner.

Anxious Attached partner are usually great in this. Avoidant partners often are not.

If you don't get the support from your spouse, that you need, take ownership and share this with your partner.

Learn to share your needs in a constructive way, without pushing your spouse away, and also learn when you can share your emotional world the best, so that your partner can actually listen to you.

Navigating the push and pull dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles can be challenging, but it's not impossible.

By understanding the dynamics, acknowledging challenges, and implementing effective strategies, individuals and couples can find a path to healthier, more harmonious relationships.

Remember, while the push and pull dynamic may be draining at times, but it also offers an opportunity for growth, understanding, and ultimately, stronger connections.

Which is what we are striving for, right?

With tons of patience,

lot's of empathy,

and the right strategies, and tools

you can not only survive but thrive in your anxious-avoidant relationship.

If I did it, so can you!

Love, Jula

P.S. If you want help in your marriage or relationship with your anxious VS avoiant relationship dynamic, contact me today and get more information on my coaching offers.

I love to get to know you and listen to your story.

Or read this post on: "If relationship Coaching can help you"